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well well well.

guess it's time for show-and-tell.

2/17/09 11:31 pm

i know i'm not gorgeous like he is. my eyes are brown, sometimes hazelish, but rarely. not beautiful and blue like his. my smile looks awkward and that's why i always try to hide it; his is like a flash of white, contagious, really. my hair is boring compared to his. he's polished, well-groomed. smaller than i am, and neater. more comfortable with himself. maybe better in bed because he's less inhibited. tan, exotic looking, rather than pale and foreign looking. very attractive to 10 out of 10 people you'd ask. i'd get 6 out of 10 maybe. cute, adorable, sexy... you could describe him that way. not like me. i'm darker, brooding, more reserved. i know i can't compete. my good qualities are only valuable to a minority of the world's population. i'm not asking you to to marry me, i know your interests are elsewhere. but i am a person. and i am just as vulnerable, needy, emotional and sensitive as the next one. i hide it well, perhaps too well. but take my word for it: i bleed. in fact, some might say i'm an expert. i could make you happy, love you the way you'd want, i could be all the things he is and more, because i'd be doing them for you. i know when to fool around and when to make love. all i'm asking for is a chance, a risk, a gamble. i swear to you i'd be worth it.

10/11/06 06:22 pm - rain.

dear rain,

no matter how good an umbrella i carry, and no matter how short the time i'm outside is, you always mention to drench me. and i mean drench: we're talking full saturation of shoes and bottoms of my jeans, which of course makes me feel unbelievably uncomfortable. rain, because of you, i walked halfway to class and turned back around because i was soaked. that makes today's number of classes skipped 2, the only 2, which fucks me over bigtime.

rain, you are my sworn enemy. and you're all wet.


8/16/06 12:13 pm - make it stop...

every day it's the same: lunch time, when one person is designated to pick up food for everybody that wants it at the small medical office i work at, with 2 doctors and 4 secretaries / assistants, very cramped, usually pretty humid, and the perpetual, unwavering, consistently abhorrent eating habits of my dad's partner, the other doctor.

normally he is a pretty nice guy, ostensibly anyway. one of the most inarguably unattractive people i've ever seen, but that doesn't even bother me. he's the kind that talks with an excess of saliva in his mouth to begin with, so that his words tend to slur and slip into one another. this is also true with the way he eats: he chews with his mouth open, a crime that should be punishable by death in and of itself, and even worse, he smacks his lips, tongue, and food together, and he also talks whilst eating. the sounds, so harrowingly unbearable, permeate into my ears, the repetitive, shameless, probably oblivious affront to all civilized manners and consideration to others, to coworkers. it is a nightmare for someone like myself, who borders on obsessive compulsion when it comes to cleanliness and hygiene, not that one has to be anal-retentive to be averse to poor mastication habits.

in other news, i'm pretty good-looking. strangers told me today.

8/13/06 12:27 am - mapsmachinegoldlionmilesapart

all i have to say about the concert was that the countless detours on the way to brooklyn, the 20 minute wait to get in all too close to mobs of hipsters, the lengthy albeit not bad opening act called blood on the wall, the seemingly endless performance of sonic youth prolonging the band i actually came to see and the intense exhaustion that followed was totally worth it, because i got to see my soul mate: the amazing, uncompromising KAREN 0. 

she made a grand, strange entrance, circling her arms and hands, confidently stomping toward the centre of the stage. she wore a sequined dress adorned with colored scarves whose hue pallette reminded me of tropical flavored skittles, and from her left wrist dangled matching strings. her face was painted like an 80s pop star and she alternated between spitting / exhaling a spray of beer and water. her performance was breath-taking live, and the sensations i experienced the whole time she was onstage can only be described as ecstatic. i've never been to a concert where the artist playing is one of my true favorites, one of my idols before; the handful i've attended in life have all been spontaneous invites from friends to see bands i was only perfunctorily familiar with. the bliss was unanticipated and perfect.

i could go on and on and on and on about my karen, but i will end my chronicling by mentioning the unexpected pleasantry kate and i received when we left the concert and stopped off in the lower east side of manhattan for a bit, where a promotional van and representative from showtime channel's series, "weeds", gave out those rocket popsicles and green keychain bottle openers, something i've always wanted. i love free things, especially ones i can use.

i want to go back to school and the city but i am really afraid of how things are going to be different. and i am dreading the work aspect. and i still need to find a replacement class for the one that was cancelled, those fuckers.

ahora tiempo para dormir. buenas noches, todos.

7/13/06 09:56 am

i'm sitting in the tv room now and as i glance at the coffee table in the centre, i spot 4 flashlights of various colors and sizes. i wonder what they are for, and i realize that yesterday new jersey had a tornado warning and my mother, who purchased 20 gallons of water to supply a week's toilet flushing during the wake of Y2K, is simply exercising her right to be crazy.

i need to get out of this place pronto. i miss new york. i miss semi unlimited freedom. i miss everything at my fingertips.

i miss looking at my fingertips.

work is going okay. i like everyone. i don't liek waking up so fucking early but today i don't have to be in till 12:30 and i've just had 15 hours of sleep so i should be okay. tonight i volunteer at an unmentionably embarrassing place for a night.

that'll do.

5/30/06 10:27 am

The sun, whose rays are all ablaze with ever-living glory,
does not deny his majesty--he scorns to tell a story!
He don't exclaim, "I blush for shame, so kindly be indulgent";
but fierce and bold, in fiery gold, he glories all effulgent.

I mean to rule the earth, as he the sky--
We really know our worth, the sun and I!

Observe his flame, that placid dame, the moon's celestial highness;
There's not a trace upon her face of diffidence or shyness:
She borrows light, that, through the night, mankind may all acclaim her!
And, truth to tell, she lights up well;  So I, for one, don't blame her.

Ah, pray make no mistake, we are not shy;
We're very wide awake, the moon and I.

-Yum-yum's aria from The Mikado

5/3/06 04:02 am - time for change.

1. Pick your birth month.
2. Strike out anything that doesn't apply to you.
3. Bold the five-ten that best apply to you.
4. Copy to your own journal, with all twelve months under a lj-cut.


Suave and compromising.
Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

las meses.Collapse )

quote of the week, said by yours truly to roommate: 'FINALLY, in 4 days, the 8 month-long sleep-over is NO MORE.'

4/23/06 11:54 am

softly stirred in mid-morning
i listen to the pouring
the tiny beads of glass
slip down the window so fast
i wait in anticipation
looking at the crystalline constellations
the sound is my fixation
drip, drip
tap, tap
so audible, the rain
on my window pane.


4/13/06 09:52 pm - GUESS WHAT?

iestoy en casa! <>

i am watching Amelie on the sundance channel (!!), eating garlic shrimp i heated up myself, sipping some white zinfindel i pilfered from the libation cabinet of my parental units, and am enjoying some other fine things.

this is the life.

more later maybe.

4/11/06 04:43 pm - you make me want to projectile vomit.

today has been a good day.
nay, a great day.

i went to drawing and i'm stoked for my next project: a large wall drawing on rice paper with various silhouettes of different people of different proximities, with muted lights underneath and from below for a dramatic effect. an exploration of loneliness and isolation.

then i went to officially withdraw fomr my digital class finally, and they were all so nice, and it only took like half an hour. i also went to return my library books at both parson's and bobst. then it was off to canal st to get some supplies which was semi successful, and i wandered for a while until i ended up at pace. i ate at this fantastic place called oliva: pizza, sushi, chips, and yoohoo. sounds like an orgasm to me.

OH and at canal i saw this guy in an old-fashioned car blasting some old tune and it made me grimace.
i seldom grimace.

house to myself on friday, having some folks over maybesomehowwhoknows. then saturday i am driving to morrisville to see my jessica and our mom. and i get to see liz cuz she's picking me up friday night. and my friend laura might come in on thursday. and an easter egg hunt on sunday no doubt, for which i am of course very excited.

i have to stay here until the 3rd of may :( :( :(
but then i'm off to see kate in maryland :) :) :)

i'd like to do some art projects involving pinatas.
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